They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
