I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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