This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
