he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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