New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
