So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize