She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
