in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
