At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
