found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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