Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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