I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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