I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
