I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
