My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
