so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
