I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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