I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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