No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
