I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
