i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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