Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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