She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
