Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
