Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
