i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
