What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
