dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize