Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
