I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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