Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
