Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
