mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
