just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
