are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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