My Higher Power is John Stamos
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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