Moan for me like Helen Keller
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
