Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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