Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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