your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize