I am in a vortex of obligation.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I have tasted many bathrooms
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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