smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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