we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
