if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
