I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
