That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Randomize
