he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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