Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
