It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You pole danced in your parka.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
that may or may not have been my penis.
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