I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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