I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
