Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
