Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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