Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
