so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
