You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
