that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
