he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You are the jesus of drinking
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
