also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
