I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
