I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm passing your future prison.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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