only if we run a train.
done.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
