He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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