break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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