I wish I could punch you in the face.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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