When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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