I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
