She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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